About Me

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THANK YOU! for your interest in this subject matter and in my story. INTENT: #support for the #significant_others of #transsexuals and #transgender, to #advocate the necessity of being your authentic self, and to share information with others. By this, I hope to support your own journey, or add to your understanding of the journey of someone you know. ABOUT ME: A 45 year old #heterosexual woman, divorced w/children, I met Jack and fell in love. Six years into our relationship, he confided his secret desire--Jack wanted to be a woman. Before his disclosure, I had no reason to suspect his interest. It was a shocking surprise! It was the decade of the 1990's. Little information was available to help ME understand 'Why' and 'What next". Not only was Jack in transition, but by virtue of the circumstance, so was I. Guided by my heart, I began a journey of my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone I challenged my attitudes and belief systems, as well as, my own sexual orientation to help me decide 'Do I stay, or do I go"?

Disclaimer Note to Information and Video Links

Informational links and videos for chosen topics are provided based on conversations and experiences I shared with J and the challenges that we faced. If the information provided helps just one person who views, it was worth my posting it.

Not everyone's need, or experience, will be the same as ours was.

By your View and your click on a particular post, I am able to know which topics are of most interest to the reader and will make sure I include responses to your interest within my book.

Thank you for your support!

Monday, November 25, 2013

#TeenTrans, adult #Trans have you been bullied?

The news has been recounting horrific stories of bullying of and by children, and now, to the forefront, bullying of the transgender child. As a #TransTeen or TS adult, have you experienced such attitudes or attacks? Can you speak to how you handled your situations? and, if TS,or if you have a #TransTeen or TG child, how you are dealing with those that pass judgement on you/them?

To those teens, children and adults who stand up for the #TransTeen #transchild #TS #TG #LGBT or others who struggle for acceptance, THANK YOU!

In support of one such 'stop bullying' project, (Bullies & Bystanders Project)I am informed that a new book is coming out edited by Joseph Zaccardi (Poet Laureate 2013, Marin Co. CA, USA) called "Changing Harm to Harmony: Anthology of Poems and Letters". Book launch Nov 8, 2014 and may be found for purchase on-line. Proceeds will go to Marin Poetry Center's High School Poetry Program which brings poetry to students and informs them of the consequences of bullying, and to Spectrum LGBT Center which promotes acceptance,understanding and full inclusion of LBGTQ people. Cudos to the Bullies & Bystanders Project!

Wishing everyone peace and safety worldwide. #TS #Trans #TG #LGBT #gay #lesbian #family #significant_other #TeenTrans #teen #child #son #daughter #mother #father #parent #attitude #disrespect #dontjudge #mylife #change #love #respect #stopbullying #inclusion #poetry

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

"Purging" - Keeping his Transsexual desire a secret.

As a significant other, you would think, that after time, we would 'catch on' that our husband or boyfriend has the desire to be female. In fact, one of the things J said to me in a burst of defensive anger, was "You should have known!" But I didn't. As I thought back about it, questioning myself "Why didn't I see it?", I realized I didn't see it because he did so well at hiding his secret.

The only "physical evidence" I had ever seen in six years was a tube of lipstick laying on the bathroom counter that wasn't mine. When I asked J, "Where did this come from?". Wondering why another woman had been at the apartment, his response had been that his ex had stopped by to talk with him, and she must have left it. I did not pick up on the fact that when he took it from my hand, J tossed it into a drawer, instead of the wastebasket.

It also came out that J did what he said was a common practice for the M>F trans keeping his secret. He would purchase makeup and clothing when he had the need to dress as female, commonly use business trips which he took out of state 2 or 3 times a year, for this practice. He would "purge" before he came home, disposing of all of the womanly items in an airport wastebasket. He was very careful to make sure that I never saw evidence of his M>F secret desire.

TS - Trans do you purge? Significant Other - Did you ever suspect? Did the #TSsecret go unnoticed? #TS #trans #hetero #LGBT #significant_other #woman #M2F #purge #secret_life #secrets #crossdress #teentrans

Monday, November 4, 2013

"Bicapable" -- Not Bisexual, Gay or Lesbian...A new term for a hetero female or male cisgender who stays with their partner after transition.

In my situation as a heterosexual female, I realized that when "he" became "she" our sex life would change. How would I handle what essentially would become a lesbian sexual relationship? We had been together six years. I loved this person. I didn't want to leave. I found myself questioning my own sexual orientation...and I wondered if I stayed, would we still find pleasure and satisfaction in our sexual relationship? If we did, did that mean that I was lesbian? bisexual? It is a question I have learned that most hetero cisgender persons (female or male) ask themselves when faced with their partner's transition.

I must say, that I believe it is essential that one understands their own sexual needs. That is why this question is so individual and personal. I questioned if our sexual experience together as a couple had been satisfying to me and what made it so? After much soul-searching, I came to the conclusion I was not lesbian and I was not bisexual. I was "bicapable".

What do I mean by "bi-capable"? I mean that with THIS person, THIS partner whom you have established a sexual relationship with, as a "he", or as a "she", and with whom you have a 'history', you may be capable of a gratifying sexual intimacy/relationship to each others mutual satisfaction, even after transition and sex reassignment surgery, because you know and understand each other's needs. This you would be capable of, even though you know that in any other circumstance presented with a lesbian, or gay, sexual encounter you would have no interest. This is what I mean by 'bi-capable."

So many variables make up one's own ability to enjoy being with another person in an intimate way. A consensual relationship, it's no one else's business but that of the two of you, how you express your sexual nature when together. In any relationship, it is the couple that defines what that is. Self-exploration, curiosity, and experimentation can contribute to your personal growth, and the growth of a relationship if done with self-awareness, consent, and care for another person. Talk to your partner about your needs, likes, dislikes, and be honest, and sensitive to the other's needs. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, and them. Could you discover you are a lesbian? Maybe. If male, could you discover you are gay? Maybe. Perhaps you are bisexual. But you may come to realize that by nature, you are heterosexual. It is just in this particular circumstance, with this particular person, in this particular circumstance and relationship, you are bicapable. I welcome your thoughts.

#bisexual #heterosexual #lesbian #Gay #bicapable #biflexible #female #sexuality #woman #significantother #M2F #TS #TG #F2M #compatibility #sex #love #partnership #sensuality #sexuality #personalgrowth #authenticself #relationships #specialcircumstance