About Me

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THANK YOU! for your interest in this subject matter and in my story. INTENT: #support for the #significant_others of #transsexuals and #transgender, to #advocate the necessity of being your authentic self, and to share information with others. By this, I hope to support your own journey, or add to your understanding of the journey of someone you know. ABOUT ME: A 45 year old #heterosexual woman, divorced w/children, I met Jack and fell in love. Six years into our relationship, he confided his secret desire--Jack wanted to be a woman. Before his disclosure, I had no reason to suspect his interest. It was a shocking surprise! It was the decade of the 1990's. Little information was available to help ME understand 'Why' and 'What next". Not only was Jack in transition, but by virtue of the circumstance, so was I. Guided by my heart, I began a journey of my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone I challenged my attitudes and belief systems, as well as, my own sexual orientation to help me decide 'Do I stay, or do I go"?

Disclaimer Note to Information and Video Links

Informational links and videos for chosen topics are provided based on conversations and experiences I shared with J and the challenges that we faced. If the information provided helps just one person who views, it was worth my posting it.

Not everyone's need, or experience, will be the same as ours was.

By your View and your click on a particular post, I am able to know which topics are of most interest to the reader and will make sure I include responses to your interest within my book.

Thank you for your support!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Significant other to M2F or F2M -- where to find support for yourself during your loved one's transition.

Support for your own emotional journey as you watch your transgender partner go through transition is often difficult to find. Where are you finding support in your area? Please share your support resources.

Happily, there are more resources today than when I experienced J's transition. On line resources such as TGGuide can be helpful and provides anonymity. Their forums allow you to ask questions, and share experiences. Facebook has many groups where discussions take place. TS groups, as well as, cisgender groups can be found on Faacebook. In some cities you may now find significant other support groups (check sidebar for angelfire website which gives some information by U.S. state).

When I found it so difficult to get information. Not having someone to talk to, and unable to find resources, I vowed to share my experience with others. Thank you for viewing my site and by doing so, supporting my writing and my effort to get information to others. Your participation is appreciated, and welcomed.

#transgender #trans #M2F #F2M #TeenTrans #wife #girlfriend #significant_other #parent #family #child #mom #dad #transsupport #understanding #trans_information #mywriting #emotion #partners #TStransition #couples.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

How I felt when J said "I want to be a female" Author of Post

When J told me he wanted to become a she, I was at a loss for how to react to what he was telling me. As I believed us both to be #heterosexual, it brought up many different thoughts ranging from "Is J really gay?" to "Who can I talk to for information and guidance in my situation?" The biggest question was "How is this going to effect our personal relationship?" I began to question my own sexuality and I wondered if I stayed with J, what did that say about my own sexual preference? I wondered what my children, and our friends would think? I wondered, "How will we be viewed by society?"

I had so many questions!!! We had a number of challenges....there wasn't just one. My greatest challenge, however,came in finding information and support, and the journey I took to discover for myself, if I should stay or leave the relationship.....and the self-discovery towards understanding the ways our relationship would morph.

Would you share what you feel is your greatest challenge as the #SO in your #relationship? What are your greatest fears, and if you have found answers for yourself....what was your individual #self-discovery?

Thank you. #TS #TG #LGBT #hetero #family #M2F #FTM #Gay #Bisexual #social #community #relationship #sexualidentity #gender #feelings

Family or Friend of #Trans - Were you confused, fearful, or angry when he or, she said "I am transsexual?

Gender variance encompasses many facets along the gender identity spectrum, often very individual--there are many "shades of gray". What seems not in question, is that the person who experiences it, though sure internally of who they are, are often confused and fearful when it comes to expressing their authentic self, and showing their need for self-identity. "Coming out" brings its own confusion and fear. Fear of rejection, fear for safety, adjustment anxiety, and situation depression, and no doubt other concerns that someone such as myself can only guess at. I am not the person faced with this internal need to change. I am the observer, the onlooker, the co-worker, the best friend, the partner, the wife, the son or daughter, the cousin, aunt or uncle...perhaps you are "the last to know."

Your loved one has taken a leap of faith by coming out to you. You may wish they had shared the information with you sooner. Or, you may wish they had never told you. But now, knowing, you may be confused, fearful for what it means for them, fearful for what it means to your relationship with them, fearful of society's view, and it goes on and on. In fact, you are faced with a personal perceptual adjustment, a mind over matter, sky is green, grass is blue kind of mental adjustment. you are finding that some things are not as they have can shake us to our foundation.

Whether M2F, F2M, or any of the gender non-conforming variances that occur, I believe individuals deserve support for what it means to be their authentic self. Understanding and acceptance comes with education and/or experience. What I have discovered on my own journey and in speaking to others, is that those of us that are confronted by our loved ones coming out, are experiencing feelings that are similar, and sharing those thoughts and feelings helps. You can contact me by e-mail if you are struggling with feelings you don't know how to handle or are afraid to share. I am here to support you if I can.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

My boyfriend/husband said he wants to become a female. Does this mean he is gay?

This is a common assumption but not necessarily true. If you are a cisgender female in a het relationship, one of the first things that comes to mind is that your het man is telling you that he is actually gay and has a sexual interest in men -- and was never really interested in you. This is harsh assumption.

While this may be true, it is not always the case. A man who is heterosexual, may be just that...his interest in a sexual partner is a woman, and interest in a partnered relationship is with a woman. Just because the het male desires to be female, and has sex reassignment surgery and transitions to a female persona with female genitalia, doesn't mean that once he transitions to female, that there has been a change in mind set for sexual preference or interest. However, with the new physicality, he now a she, YOU will find yourself with a partner that is now physically female.

Your relationship sexually will take on a different dimension being considered a #lesbian relationship not only by change in his>her physicality, but viewed as such by society. It will be important for YOU to determine your needs and desires in the relationship, and to communicate those to your partner. While your partner may not be gay, she is now Lesbian. If you stay, knowing you are not lesbian or bisexual in any other situation, it may simply mean that YOU are bi-capable. For more information on what I feel it means to be "bicapable" see my post on this subject. #trans #bicapable #lesbian #heterosexual #sexuality #partners #change #adjustment #whatnext #socialstigma #socialview #perception #authenticself #M2F #F2M #dontmakeassumptions #relationship #cisgender #female #male