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THANK YOU! for your interest in this subject matter and in my story. INTENT: #support for the #significant_others of #transsexuals and #transgender, to #advocate the necessity of being your authentic self, and to share information with others. By this, I hope to support your own journey, or add to your understanding of the journey of someone you know. ABOUT ME: A 45 year old #heterosexual woman, divorced w/children, I met Jack and fell in love. Six years into our relationship, he confided his secret desire--Jack wanted to be a woman. Before his disclosure, I had no reason to suspect his interest. It was a shocking surprise! It was the decade of the 1990's. Little information was available to help ME understand 'Why' and 'What next". Not only was Jack in transition, but by virtue of the circumstance, so was I. Guided by my heart, I began a journey of my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone I challenged my attitudes and belief systems, as well as, my own sexual orientation to help me decide 'Do I stay, or do I go"?

Disclaimer Note to Information and Video Links

Informational links and videos for chosen topics are provided based on conversations and experiences I shared with J and the challenges that we faced. If the information provided helps just one person who views, it was worth my posting it.

Not everyone's need, or experience, will be the same as ours was.

By your View and your click on a particular post, I am able to know which topics are of most interest to the reader and will make sure I include responses to your interest within my book.

Thank you for your support!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The "Cinderella Factor" or, "Does the shoe fit?" (Video in sidebar)


"Where, oh where, do I go to find shoes in a large size?" you ask. Here are some suggestions. I found a site that has a "where to go" chart by on-line store and gives sizes that can be found there. It is http://www.alaska.net/~kathryn/heels.htm There are no doubt others, but I found Kathryn's site a good one over all. 'Kathryn' also has other clothing categories on her website which provides a one-stop shopping experience.

I remember when J showed me pink tennis shoes in size 12, proudly holding them on hands outstretched, grinning from ear to ear. "Do you know how hard these were to find in my size?" she said. It seemed that on-line was her only option. However, J found the pink tennis shoes at PayLess!! Checkout online stores such as Zappos and Barefoot Tess --- Heels, tennies, and more --- . I hope this helps! Good luck!

The makeup was perfect.. The bra? Not so much....


Seeing J dressed in drag, with makeup applied better than even I could do, I realized, "he" at the time, did not need any help. (But if you do, for a "how to" watch the makeup video in sidebar)

When it came to buying a bra, however, J was at a loss. (For M2F trans pondering how to find the right one, try this video in the sidebar on for size.) As far as 'where to go", I suggest starting in major department stores such as JCPenny and Macy's. These stores are usually well-equipped to fit most women with styles, from sports bras, to functional, sexy and pretty,in colors, fabrics, patterns, lace, underwires, and spandex. Choices, choices...and, at average pricing. Sales women with years of experience are usually available, and will help you with sizing. Boutiques, and Victoria's Secret are also options. I have found, however, that sizing in boutiques and at Victoria's Secret may be different than the average bra store, and prices higher, so be prepared. Once you know your size, another good option can be Target for inexpensive bras. Bra prices can fluctuate anywhere from $12.00 to $85+.

#trans #M2F #selfimprovement #makeup #bra #girls #underwear #lingerie #eyeliner #lipstick #foundation #makeup #breasts #clothes #dress #woman #support

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The transparent window on a dark closet's wall... 7727 views and counting...


Writing about a subject that for many people is still "behind closed doors" in the U.S., I am gratified to find, blog views are coming in from all around the world: Europe, UK, Russia, Canada, China, South Korea, Ireland, Germany, France, and South America. This is motivating. When I give public open mic readings to audiences of the "average man/woman on the street", I have often been approached by people who say, "My brother did that." Or, "My wife left me for a woman." Or, "I know a person at work that changed." Most end their statements with "I don't get it." but each, wants to talk. I learn their interest is more than curiosity, there is a desire to understand. To me, this is proof that education, information, and conversation needs to be had. I hope, ultimately, it shows a willingness to want to know, to change old ideas, and adjust perceptions. Thank you for your views! Your views are encouraging a transparent window onto what has been a dark closet's wall!

#change #acceptance #transgender #transsexual #M2F #F2M #teentrans #parents #transkids #family #significantother #making_a_difference #cisgender #secrets #behindcloseddoors #startingover #whatnow #mywriting #mystory #comingout #hope

Friday, December 13, 2013

Transgender Support Looks Like This ---- Significant Other/Cisgender support looks like -- ?


I must applaud a great article called "This Mongrel Land" is available in the sidebar link. It delineates well the needs of the transgender person. I encourage everyone - particularly the cisgender, the family member, friends of the TS who are watching and going through the TS transition, to read it. For the curious, man or woman-on-the-street, who want to know more and be socially correct, this article gives a good overview.

While most articles focus on the needs of the TS, we must not forget that the cisgender, or significant others, wives, children, family members, and friends are transitioning too. Watching the TS transition can test the mind, spirit, belief systems, ...and as we watch realities morph ... We come to realize TS transition isn't a singular one-sided process. That is why I am writing. Through information and knowledge we can all transition and grow from the experience.

#trans #transteen #parent #cihld #transgender #LGBT #support #transition #curiousonlooker #M2F #F2M #change #physicality #mindandbody #making_a_difference #makeadifference #understanding #gay #lesbian #hetero #pronouns #BeAnAlly #AboutYou #YouMatter

Friday, December 6, 2013

Seeking support - Physicians, counselors, and....the BDSM community? How might this fit in?


One might think why the BDSM community? Within many BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadomasochism) organizations, the term "safe, sane and consensual" guides the participants. I realize that the first thing that probably comes to your mind is the vision of leather-clad females cracking whips, at a male in shackles. While that can happen, it is a stereotype.

This community venue can provide a much larger stage for the #TG #TS. Open to diversity in thinking, role play and what is termed 'power exchange' The BDSM community may provide a safe place for some to act out what I will call "fantasies of self" in a non-judgmental/accepting and most importantly, a SAFE environment. "Safe" has the additional caveat of meaning "confidential" "private" and #consensual....

At organization events, it is possible to 'try the desired new self 'on for size'". Dress in costume (e.g., dress as M2F or F2M), role play in the gender one wants to be, practice voice and gestures/behaviors, and participate in what is called "power exchange". An explanation of power exchange, can be leaving the "male dominant" role for a few hours as one acts out, or explores, a "female submissive" role, or a female dressing as a male, and role playing, or "acting the part", among others who actively support through improvisation. At the same time, it is not encouraged to use BDSM play as "therapy" ... rather exploration of self.

I will state here that before engaging in this activity, research for an organization that supports 'safe, sane, and consensual role play'!! I believe that most groups require a participant to be 21 years of age or older. Review the organizations charter before joining, to see if they stress 'safe, sane, and consensual play', and if there are daytime/weekend group introductory meetings, attend one before you join or go to an evening event. Many can give you an on-line informational link before you attend any group intro meetings. You might check the Angelfire.com site on line which lists #BDSM, #fettish and #kink groups by State within the U.S. J and I found groups in San Francisco supportive to the #trans.

#roleplay #privacy #kink #BDSM #fettish #trans #safesaneconsensual #safe_sane_consensual #powerexchange #role_reversal #selfexploration #acceptance

Life Happens


Life happens. Posting in a tweet today, I couldn't help but think about this statement. We can't control what happens to us or around us in life. We can try to control how we handle it. I could have done what some suggested "Run, run fast. You didn't sign up for this." But I chose to stay, and took the journey with Jack, and tried to learn by the experience. In the process I discovered a lot about the trials that others have in life that otherwise, may never have come to my attention.I also learned a lot about myself. If I could re-do it with what I know now, the journey for both of us might have been much easier. I am grateful for what I learned, and I hope that I can effectively, at some point, through #mywriting, share what I learned with others. #change #trans #TG #significant_other #cisgender #LGBT #making_a_difference

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

"Coming Out" -- or, "Will I pass?" Confidence is Key!


The question every #TS has at some time whether it is a M2F or F2M. "Will I 'pass' when I go out in public?"

You dress, you look into the mirror and the image before you is the best you can do." "I'm ready." You say to yourself. Then you take the chance, and go out in public. Deep down you are wondering if you will pull it off. Will the person you pass on the street see you M2F, as female? or F2M, as a male? or, will some way you look, sound, or move, give you away? After all, this is new to you. You have not had a chance to perfect it yet. .... but you do it. Confidence is key!

"It seems to be working." you say to yourself. "It seems no one guesses what I have gone through to get here, in this moment." You feel you are managing to 'pass'. "What's next?" you think to yourself. You head for the Ladies/Mens Room." ....

#coming out #fear #confidence #success #M2F #F2M #trans #Ladies #restroom #Mens #TeenTrans #crossdresser how did you handle this difficult challenge? Please share your success story, tips, how-to, words of encouragement. Mostly, #words_of_encouragement

Monday, December 2, 2013

"You should have known!" J shouted. What clues had J dropped like breadcrumbs in the forest? (Music Video in sidebar)


When J came out expressing his desire as M2F, he shouted, "You should have known!" But I didn't.

How would I have known? I questioned myself repeatedly...what clues had J dropped like breadcrumbs in the forest? Then I remembered the tube of lipstick on the bathroom counter that wasn't mine; and,the Pussy Tourette CD I frequently saw lying on top of the CD player. (View U-Tube video in sidebar.) Had these been clues left for me to discover? Perhaps-- But how could I have known? The question I could not answer.

Do you leave clues, hoping your significant other will catch on? What are they? #M2F #F2M #PussyTourette #music #clues #secretlife #significant_other #LGBTQ #TG #trans #communication #change #authenticself

Monday, November 25, 2013

#TeenTrans, adult #Trans have you been bullied?


The news has been recounting horrific stories of bullying of and by children, and now, to the forefront, bullying of the transgender child. As a #TransTeen or TS adult, have you experienced such attitudes or attacks? Can you speak to how you handled your situations? and, if TS,or if you have a #TransTeen or TG child, how you are dealing with those that pass judgement on you/them?

To those teens, children and adults who stand up for the #TransTeen #transchild #TS #TG #LGBT or others who struggle for acceptance, THANK YOU!

In support of one such 'stop bullying' project, (Bullies & Bystanders Project)I am informed that a new book is coming out edited by Joseph Zaccardi (Poet Laureate 2013, Marin Co. CA, USA) called "Changing Harm to Harmony: Anthology of Poems and Letters". Book launch Nov 8, 2014 and may be found for purchase on-line. Proceeds will go to Marin Poetry Center's High School Poetry Program which brings poetry to students and informs them of the consequences of bullying, and to Spectrum LGBT Center which promotes acceptance,understanding and full inclusion of LBGTQ people. Cudos to the Bullies & Bystanders Project!

Wishing everyone peace and safety worldwide. #TS #Trans #TG #LGBT #gay #lesbian #family #significant_other #TeenTrans #teen #child #son #daughter #mother #father #parent #attitude #disrespect #dontjudge #mylife #change #love #respect #stopbullying #inclusion #poetry

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

"Purging" - Keeping his Transsexual desire a secret.


As a significant other, you would think, that after time, we would 'catch on' that our husband or boyfriend has the desire to be female. In fact, one of the things J said to me in a burst of defensive anger, was "You should have known!" But I didn't. As I thought back about it, questioning myself "Why didn't I see it?", I realized I didn't see it because he did so well at hiding his secret.

The only "physical evidence" I had ever seen in six years was a tube of lipstick laying on the bathroom counter that wasn't mine. When I asked J, "Where did this come from?". Wondering why another woman had been at the apartment, his response had been that his ex had stopped by to talk with him, and she must have left it. I did not pick up on the fact that when he took it from my hand, J tossed it into a drawer, instead of the wastebasket.

It also came out that J did what he said was a common practice for the M>F trans keeping his secret. He would purchase makeup and clothing when he had the need to dress as female, commonly use business trips which he took out of state 2 or 3 times a year, for this practice. He would "purge" before he came home, disposing of all of the womanly items in an airport wastebasket. He was very careful to make sure that I never saw evidence of his M>F secret desire.

TS - Trans do you purge? Significant Other - Did you ever suspect? Did the #TSsecret go unnoticed? #TS #trans #hetero #LGBT #significant_other #woman #M2F #purge #secret_life #secrets #crossdress #teentrans

Monday, November 4, 2013

"Bicapable" -- Not Bisexual, Gay or Lesbian...A new term for a hetero female or male cisgender who stays with their partner after transition.


In my situation as a heterosexual female, I realized that when "he" became "she" our sex life would change. How would I handle what essentially would become a lesbian sexual relationship? We had been together six years. I loved this person. I didn't want to leave. I found myself questioning my own sexual orientation...and I wondered if I stayed, would we still find pleasure and satisfaction in our sexual relationship? If we did, did that mean that I was lesbian? bisexual? It is a question I have learned that most hetero cisgender persons (female or male) ask themselves when faced with their partner's transition.

I must say, that I believe it is essential that one understands their own sexual needs. That is why this question is so individual and personal. I questioned if our sexual experience together as a couple had been satisfying to me and what made it so? After much soul-searching, I came to the conclusion I was not lesbian and I was not bisexual. I was "bicapable".

What do I mean by "bi-capable"? I mean that with THIS person, THIS partner whom you have established a sexual relationship with, as a "he", or as a "she", and with whom you have a 'history', you may be capable of a gratifying sexual intimacy/relationship to each others mutual satisfaction, even after transition and sex reassignment surgery, because you know and understand each other's needs. This you would be capable of, even though you know that in any other circumstance presented with a lesbian, or gay, sexual encounter you would have no interest. This is what I mean by 'bi-capable."

So many variables make up one's own ability to enjoy being with another person in an intimate way. A consensual relationship, it's no one else's business but that of the two of you, how you express your sexual nature when together. In any relationship, it is the couple that defines what that is. Self-exploration, curiosity, and experimentation can contribute to your personal growth, and the growth of a relationship if done with self-awareness, consent, and care for another person. Talk to your partner about your needs, likes, dislikes, and be honest, and sensitive to the other's needs. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, and them. Could you discover you are a lesbian? Maybe. If male, could you discover you are gay? Maybe. Perhaps you are bisexual. But you may come to realize that by nature, you are heterosexual. It is just in this particular circumstance, with this particular person, in this particular circumstance and relationship, you are bicapable. I welcome your thoughts.

#bisexual #heterosexual #lesbian #Gay #bicapable #biflexible #female #sexuality #woman #significantother #M2F #TS #TG #F2M #compatibility #sex #love #partnership #sensuality #sexuality #personalgrowth #authenticself #relationships #specialcircumstance

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

"I have no one I can talk to. I cannot tell friends or family. They won't understand."

When you first learn of your husband or boyfriend's desire to become female, you may not have had any idea at all that he felt this way. If your experience is at all like mine, you initially feel betrayed, confused, and angry. You are downright scared to death for what it all means to your relationship.

For me, I knew no one in my family or social circle would understand. There was no one I felt I could talk to. I began to try to reach out for information and education, for books, counselors, anyone who could explain it to me.

I am available to answer your questions. Feel free to ask. Please see the "where did you find support topic for other resources". If you cannot get on the blog to post a question or comment, e-mail me. I answer all questions. Know, that you are not alone. Reach out. #SO, #significant_other, #husband, #boyfriend, #Trans, #Transsexual, #M2F, #F2M, #LGBT, #support+wife, #No+one+to+talk+to #TeenTrans #friends #family #communication #betrayal #confusion #adjustmentdisorientation

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

#HIV - unwitting exposure - Things to Think About

No one wants to contract HIV. However,risky sex behavior can put not only yourself at risk, but your unsuspecting spouse,wife,sexual partner.

Expect one of the first questions your significant other will ask when you come out with your Transsecret, will be "Are you Gay?" followed in quick succession with, "Have you had sex with men?" and then, a realization, that that type of sexual exposure, or any sexual activity outside of your exclusive committed relationship with her, may have put you both at HIV risk.

Whether you have had risky sexual exposure, or if you have never been tested for HIV, before you have your "I want to be a woman" talk with your significant other, get tested. Have the paper results in hand when you have your talk with her.

According to the Henry J. Kaiser Foundation, 84% of women contracting HIV in the US have contracted HIV through heterosexual sex. 22% of women in the US fear that they might contract HIV.

In my own case, I questioned J with regard to risky sexual behavior with anyone - gay men, or others. Like many people are, having never been tested, he was in fear-based denial. In my book, I write about my fears, my feelings, and what happens.

#riskysex, #TS, #TG, #Trans, #significantother, #Transsecret, #committedrelationship, #LGB, #HIV, #AIDS, #Gay, #Lesbian, #sex, #unprotectedsex, #spouse, #wife,#TeenTrans #safesex

Monday, October 21, 2013

"Click and View a particular post to show interest. Thank you for supporting #writing #mystory.

In an effort to support significant others, and to see if there is an interest in my story, and the topic which is my relationship with M2F TS with regard to his>her coming out and transition, I am asking your help.In my story I share experiences, thoughts, and the feelings I had during J's transition. By doing so, I hope significant others, who may be having difficulty with the TS transition, will find it easier to understand and accept. I believe everyone should be able to live their life as their authentic self.

I have discovered that to comment on my blog you need Google+ profile. Anyone can read, and while I have not had many people respond to the actual blog to start a discussion, you are welcome to do so!! If you DO have a question, YOU ARE WELCOME TO SEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS BY E-MAIL. I will respond to you that way if you like.

Your click on a topic also helps me see what topic you find of most interest. This is also helpful for posts I might add to the blog. I have posted videos and informational links as aids to those who need the information. Not everyone that views may find the information pertinent to their need. Each post reflects an experience I had with J.

I would appreciate it if you would follow me on Twitter @GreenSkySF

join me at Facebook group. I am GreenSkySF (Jack and Diane Stories aka The Sky is Green and the Grass is Blue), or,

send me any question you might have to E-MAIL: jackandianestories@gmail.com I will respond.

Thank you for viewing this site, and for your support for my writing.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

How do you tell your children your #TSsecret? ;;;;

Please share your concerns about telling your #children your #TSsecret

How do you think they will respond when they learn Dad is coming out...?

Mom is coming out....?

Or... if a separated (divorced) parent was, now, dating and learned their partner was #TS...?

Your comments may help someone else who faces these situations prepare their own disclosure.When J came out, I told my children. A couple of them were surprised, but two others were not surprised at all. Children often sense what we as adults overlook, or, recognize on some level, what an adult may not initially grasp. They are often intuitive, and are very resilient. Consider, you ARE their parent. They don't want to lose your love. Reassurance is always good. Thank you for your comments. #trans #children #family #LGBT #TS #dad #mom #TSsecret #communication #honesty #comingout

Thursday, October 17, 2013

#Hetero #Significant_other, #wife did you suspect your #husband had #TSsecret before he came out to you?

J managed to keep his TSsecret from me. It is important to say here, that as betrayed as we might feel in the initial discovery of the TSsecret, it is not a secret that any person, or that the TS truly ever wants to keep. It is agony for any person to spend his/her life feeling that he or she can not be their true selves.

We feel betrayed when we learn that there was a part of them they never shared with us. We question "Did I ever know you at all?" and, "How can this happen if we love each other?" Trust seems to have shattered. But, it is important that I point out, that in many cases, it does not mean that your husband meant to betray your relationship, or that he loves YOU any less. In fact, that he often keeps his TSsecret because he loves YOU more than he loves himself. Comments? #TSsecret, #betrayal, #secret, #trueselves, #TG, #TG, #LGBT, #hetero, #relationships #feelings

Thursday, October 10, 2013

#Trans M2F or F2M - Begin #HRT ...in #secret ...before #comingout?

#M2F or #F2M wants to begin #hormone replacement therapy, but has not come out to wife/spouse, husband/boyfriend, or significant other. Should he or she begin HRT before coming out? What HRT emotional changes or HRT physical changes can he or she expect? and how soon?

Since posting this, I have had many views, so I am aware that this is a common topic of concern. Thought I would add to the post.

Often the trans M2F does not tell their partner they are using HRT. They may "dabble" with the idea. 'Dabbling' means, start/stop, start/stop, several times before finally decide to go forward M>F. Hormones can have remarkable effects on the human body. Feminization or masculinization (F>M) occurs over time. For the M>F skin softening and lack of muscle tone, with some breast changes occur over the first 3-6 months. But how quickly physical changes occur is determined by individual response to hormone therapy. Psychological changes which I will consider for this post as "mood changes/swings" can also occur. This can be exemplified in the M>F as 'depression' or a 'lady term' "PMS-ing" to name a couple. In F>M, it is my understanding from others that it can be seen as 'depression' and unusual aggression

I cannot say that damage to our relationship didn't happen during these times of #secrets because the erratic behavior was unexplained. I honestly don't know that J even realized how much he 'changed' during these episodes, or how this unexplained behavior effected me. The usual result on the trans partner is sadness, concern, frustration over the behavior which is not understand and personal questions - 'What did I do?" My suggestion is, be honest with your partner. When you decide to try HRT, be up front and don't keep it a secret.

Please share your thoughts and your experience. #secret #honesty #HRTtherapy #HRT #HRT_emotional_changes #HRT_physical_changes #self_medicating #comingout #M2F #F2M #mood #depression #aggression #confusion #sadness #love #T #estrogen

Check out the video by Violet4151 in the sidebar.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

I fear telling my #significantother of my desire to change #M2F or #F2M because I think she/he will leave me.

Not knowing how to tell your #significant_other can be a huge problem for many men or women who are #Trans #TG or #TS, who secretly desire to be female or male. For many, who deeply love their spouse/chosen life partner, they feel they will lose the person they love if they tell them their #TGsecret. #Opencommunication about their feelings seems impossible. The inability to express the need for #Trans change, may add to the inner despair that the #TG #TS feels. I have heard this expressed quite consistently. (I am often reminded that most of us want "Someone To Love" and think of the song written by Percy Mayfield that was sung by Sade in the Movie "Philadelphia". See U-Tube video in sidebar)

If you have taken this step with your #spouse #significanother, would you share how you told your her? #truth #honesty #love #M2F #F2M #trueself #authenticself #partner #significant_other

Monday, September 30, 2013

Significant other to M2F or F2M -- where to find support for yourself during your loved one's transition.

Support for your own emotional journey as you watch your transgender partner go through transition is often difficult to find. Where are you finding support in your area? Please share your support resources.

Happily, there are more resources today than when I experienced J's transition. On line resources such as TGGuide can be helpful and provides anonymity. Their forums allow you to ask questions, and share experiences. Facebook has many groups where discussions take place. TS groups, as well as, cisgender groups can be found on Faacebook. In some cities you may now find significant other support groups (check sidebar for angelfire website which gives some information by U.S. state).

When I found it so difficult to get information. Not having someone to talk to, and unable to find resources, I vowed to share my experience with others. Thank you for viewing my site and by doing so, supporting my writing and my effort to get information to others. Your participation is appreciated, and welcomed.

#transgender #trans #M2F #F2M #TeenTrans #wife #girlfriend #significant_other #parent #family #child #mom #dad #transsupport #understanding #trans_information #mywriting #emotion #partners #TStransition #couples.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

How I felt when J said "I want to be a female" ...by Author of Post

When J told me he wanted to become a she, I was at a loss for how to react to what he was telling me. As I believed us both to be #heterosexual, it brought up many different thoughts ranging from "Is J really gay?" to "Who can I talk to for information and guidance in my situation?" The biggest question was "How is this going to effect our personal relationship?" I began to question my own sexuality and I wondered if I stayed with J, what did that say about my own sexual preference? I wondered what my children, and our friends would think? I wondered, "How will we be viewed by society?"

I had so many questions!!! We had a number of challenges....there wasn't just one. My greatest challenge, however,came in finding information and support, and the journey I took to discover for myself, if I should stay or leave the relationship.....and the self-discovery towards understanding the ways our relationship would morph.

Would you share what you feel is your greatest challenge as the #SO in your #relationship? What are your greatest fears, and if you have found answers for yourself....what was your individual #self-discovery?

Thank you. #TS #TG #LGBT #hetero #family #M2F #FTM #Gay #Bisexual #social #community #relationship #sexualidentity #gender #feelings

Family or Friend of #Trans - Were you confused, fearful, or angry when he or, she said "I am transsexual?

Gender variance encompasses many facets along the gender identity spectrum, often very individual--there are many "shades of gray". What seems not in question, is that the person who experiences it, though sure internally of who they are, are often confused and fearful when it comes to expressing their authentic self, and showing their need for self-identity. "Coming out" brings its own confusion and fear. Fear of rejection, fear for safety, adjustment anxiety, and situation depression, and no doubt other concerns that someone such as myself can only guess at. I am not the person faced with this internal need to change. I am the observer, the onlooker, the co-worker, the best friend, the partner, the wife, the son or daughter, the cousin, aunt or uncle...perhaps you are "the last to know."

Your loved one has taken a leap of faith by coming out to you. You may wish they had shared the information with you sooner. Or, you may wish they had never told you. But now, knowing, you may be confused, fearful for what it means for them, fearful for what it means to your relationship with them, fearful of society's view, and it goes on and on. In fact, you are faced with a personal perceptual adjustment, a mind over matter, sky is green, grass is blue kind of mental adjustment. you are finding that some things are not as they have seemed...it can shake us to our foundation.

Whether M2F, F2M, or any of the gender non-conforming variances that occur, I believe individuals deserve support for what it means to be their authentic self. Understanding and acceptance comes with education and/or experience. What I have discovered on my own journey and in speaking to others, is that those of us that are confronted by our loved ones coming out, are experiencing feelings that are similar, and sharing those thoughts and feelings helps. You can contact me by e-mail if you are struggling with feelings you don't know how to handle or are afraid to share. I am here to support you if I can.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

My boyfriend/husband said he wants to become a female. Does this mean he is gay?

This is a common assumption but not necessarily true. If you are a cisgender female in a het relationship, one of the first things that comes to mind is that your het man is telling you that he is actually gay and has a sexual interest in men -- and was never really interested in you. This is harsh assumption.

While this may be true, it is not always the case. A man who is heterosexual, may be just that...his interest in a sexual partner is a woman, and interest in a partnered relationship is with a woman. Just because the het male desires to be female, and has sex reassignment surgery and transitions to a female persona with female genitalia, doesn't mean that once he transitions to female, that there has been a change in mind set for sexual preference or interest. However, with the new physicality, he now a she, YOU will find yourself with a partner that is now physically female.

Your relationship sexually will take on a different dimension being considered a #lesbian relationship not only by change in his>her physicality, but viewed as such by society. It will be important for YOU to determine your needs and desires in the relationship, and to communicate those to your partner. While your partner may not be gay, she is now Lesbian. If you stay, knowing you are not lesbian or bisexual in any other situation, it may simply mean that YOU are bi-capable. For more information on what I feel it means to be "bicapable" see my post on this subject. #trans #bicapable #lesbian #heterosexual #sexuality #partners #change #adjustment #whatnext #socialstigma #socialview #perception #authenticself #M2F #F2M #dontmakeassumptions #relationship #cisgender #female #male